Addressing Microaggressions at Work
Microaggressions are designed to be deniable. Here's how to name them anyway.
Say This
The scripts that work
In the moment, calmly
""Can you say more about what you meant by that?""
Forces them to hear their own words. Most people cannot explain the comment without revealing the assumption behind it.
Naming it directly
""That comment landed as [observation]. I don't think you meant it that way, but I wanted to name it.""
You address it without attacking. You're giving them a chance to correct course.
After the fact, if you didn't say anything in the moment
""I wanted to come back to something you said yesterday. It didn't sit right with me. Can we talk about it?""
In-the-moment naming isn't always possible. Coming back is still valid.
Don't Say This
What to avoid — and why
""It's fine, don't worry about it.""
It's not fine. Absorbing it trains the behavior.
""I know you didn't mean anything by it.""
You just did their absolution for them without them earning it.
"Saying nothing and stewing for weeks"
This has no effect on their behavior and a real cost to you.
If They Push Back
Responses when they don't accept the no
They say:
""I was just joking.""
You say:
"Jokes land differently than you might intend. I needed to say something."
They say:
""You're being too sensitive.""
You say:
"Maybe. I'm still going to name things when they don't sit right with me."
They say:
""That's not what I meant at all.""
You say:
"I believe you. And it's still worth knowing how it lands."
What's Actually Happening Here
The dynamic under the surface
Microaggressions accumulate. Any single one is easy to dismiss as oversensitivity. In aggregate, they create an environment where you are constantly reminded you don't fully belong, or that assumptions are being made about you. Naming them — calmly, without drama — is not creating conflict. It is refusing to absorb something that was put into the space. The discomfort of naming it is smaller than the cost of absorbing it in silence.
Need a script for your exact situation?
These scripts cover the most common scenarios. For your specific relationship, context, and history — Fortify's AI coach generates a tailored script in seconds.